Stopping

I am consistently awed by the joy and life our children bring to our home. Even through the tears and whining, which there is more than enough, in no time the sweet soft voice of my daughter quickly pierces my heart. Or the smiles and kisses from my son melt me.

Last night I struggled, tired and achy. The children whined and begged for my undivided attention. Sweet voices declared “hold me mommy” and echoed through our walls. I continuously struggle to find the best way to balance my work in the home, with the constant requests for love and attention. I can’t pour boiling water in the sink and hold a toddler. And I haven’t mastered one handed egg cracking skills. The kitchen needs to be cleaned, the dinner needs to be made, and my children need to be held, loved and instructed.

Do I stop? Do I set everything aside when he sweetly brings me a book to read to him? I find myself throughout the day telling myself to just stop. And I remind myself a few minutes delay in dinner is a small price to pay for the gifts of parenting. What I’ve realized is I’m still learning and will be a life-long leaner. I feel completely unprepared for balancing efficiency in my home with parenting our toddlers. I never seem to know when to stop and when not.

The evening we spent together - resting in chairs outside in the fresh air, reading books, tending plants, and watching a movie with popcorn. I headed to bed tired and exhausted. Rest was all I wanted. A break from the crying, tears and persistent requests a mommy gets. I quietly lay in bed and think about everything I failed to get done. And then in a hushed tone, my husband says “what a wonderful evening,” and I pause and push everything on my to-do list aside to appreciate the evening and gifts from God that I had missed.