I've been getting numerous phone calls and emails asking how I am doing. So this post is to let you all know that...I am fine and you can stop worrying. I am perfectly at peace with everything that is happening and I have absolutely no doubt that God knows best. The past 5.5 years of infertility have certainly taught me that I do not have control over life.
I did have a miscarriage. And the details are below. If you don't want the details, please stop reading. They are gross.
The miscarriage started on Thursday night and lasted until Friday morning. The doctor had warned me to expect a period twice as bad as normal. It was no such thing. It was more closely related to labor and delivery. I had contractions starting Thursday night while I was cleaning the house. We had company arriving around midnight, so I kept cleaning and just ignored it. The contractions were very strong and actually were around 1-2 minutes apart and lasted for about 30 seconds or more. I didn't time any of this so I am guesstimating. But I passed several very large clumps of blood and other things. I was bleeding a lot. I tried sitting on the toilet but it was just too uncomfortable so I kept cleaning. I'm pretty sure I passed the gestational sac around midnight.
After our company arrived and I went to bed is when the real pain set in. I think it may have been because I was laying down and not doing anything else, except trying to sleep. Which was impossible because the contractions were unbearable. I got up and went to the bathroom and writhed around in there for awhile. Determined I needed some stronger medication. I just wanted to sleep. But my body wasn't finished.
At around 4am I think I passed the placenta. It was much larger than I expected considering how early the pregnancy was. As soon as this was over I felt instant relief. And I don't know how long it would have lasted, but I decided it was enough. I took a muscle relaxer and headed to bed.
And that was my miscarriage in a nutshell. I did learn a few things from this. Mainly I learned that whenever I do go into labor, I need a lot of work to do to keep me busy. I think cleaning was just what I needed to keep my mind off of it.
Monday, July 26, 2010
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
10 week update
It's still light outside, and I'm typing this quickly so I can head off to bed. I've been waking up no later than 5:15 for weeks now, and sometimes as early as 3:30 -- which is why its now bedtime for me.
Monday marked 10 weeks pregnant. I was planning on posting that nothing has changed. But today the bad news came. So if you don't want bad news then you should immediately stop reading this. Go ahead, close down the screen, go look at something fun and interesting. Maybe head towards the kitchen and grab some chocolate. That makes us all feel better.
So the story goes like this. I went to the bathroom this morning and found bright red blood. So I called the doctor and was scheduled for an ultrasound. The baby has not developed past 6 weeks and 1 day, and there was no heartbeat today. If you remember, when I went in at 7 weeks pregnant for my first ultrasound, the baby was measured at 6 weeks 1 day then as well. I'm waiting for a natural miscarriage...or a miracle would be even better.
And yes, I'm fine. I am very much at peace with everything that is happening. It is an absolute miracle I was pregnant. Whether I could get pregnant was a huge question looming over us and now we know the answer. So this was a wonderful gift.
Monday marked 10 weeks pregnant. I was planning on posting that nothing has changed. But today the bad news came. So if you don't want bad news then you should immediately stop reading this. Go ahead, close down the screen, go look at something fun and interesting. Maybe head towards the kitchen and grab some chocolate. That makes us all feel better.
So the story goes like this. I went to the bathroom this morning and found bright red blood. So I called the doctor and was scheduled for an ultrasound. The baby has not developed past 6 weeks and 1 day, and there was no heartbeat today. If you remember, when I went in at 7 weeks pregnant for my first ultrasound, the baby was measured at 6 weeks 1 day then as well. I'm waiting for a natural miscarriage...or a miracle would be even better.
And yes, I'm fine. I am very much at peace with everything that is happening. It is an absolute miracle I was pregnant. Whether I could get pregnant was a huge question looming over us and now we know the answer. So this was a wonderful gift.
Sunday, July 18, 2010
The funny things children say and do
Laughter is common in a household with children. You just can't help yourself.
Today, it wasn't so funny when Petra came to wake us from our nap to say that Jasper had climbed into the tub and turned the water on. We were dead asleep. I climbed out of bed and found him walking around with wet clothes. And went and turned off the water he had left running. Thankful she's smart enough to wake us up when necessary. He had crawled out of his crib, out of his room, down the steps and was in the bathtub downstairs. I guess I'm going to have to stop sleeping.
A few hours later I was laughing when Petra came down with the thermometer in her ear. We have an ear thermometer so this made sense. She told us she was "measuring her ear" and it was 16 lbs and eight dollars. Too funny.
I thought about sharing another story too, about a month old.
We asked her last month what her favorite food was? Noodles, she replied.
And what is your favorite drink? Water with noodles, she simply commented.
Today, it wasn't so funny when Petra came to wake us from our nap to say that Jasper had climbed into the tub and turned the water on. We were dead asleep. I climbed out of bed and found him walking around with wet clothes. And went and turned off the water he had left running. Thankful she's smart enough to wake us up when necessary. He had crawled out of his crib, out of his room, down the steps and was in the bathtub downstairs. I guess I'm going to have to stop sleeping.
A few hours later I was laughing when Petra came down with the thermometer in her ear. We have an ear thermometer so this made sense. She told us she was "measuring her ear" and it was 16 lbs and eight dollars. Too funny.
I thought about sharing another story too, about a month old.
We asked her last month what her favorite food was? Noodles, she replied.
And what is your favorite drink? Water with noodles, she simply commented.
Friday, July 16, 2010
Common Pregnancy Symptoms (and Uncommon ones too!)
I’m officially in my third month of pregnancy. And I thought I would post some on common pregnancy symptom and how I was measuring up; as well as comment on my uncommon pregnancy symptoms. I spoke with my mom and two older sisters about their pregnancy symptoms and they didn’t have many symptoms to speak of … so it seems easy pregnancies may run in the family.
Morning Sickness – None to speak of. I am occasionally nauseas for 5-10 minutes ever so slightly and have some food aversions and cravings during that time, and then it goes away.
Fatigue – It was horrible weeks 4-6. Not so bad now. About every other day I want to nap, but can usually work through it. This is going away and according to the experts it should fade in month 3. I’d love a 2-3 hour nap right now. Which is saying something considering I went to bed at 9pm last night.
Frequent Urination – Yes, up until about week 8 I had to get up sometimes 3 times a night. This symptom usually fades away beginning in month 3 and mine started to dissipate about 2 weeks ago. Now I just get up usually once at night.
Breast Fullness/Tenderness – Some, but not much. Week 8 I had more breast heaviness than any other week. But generally I can’t really tell any difference now. It’s hard to tell too much because I did 210 pushups today and 100 pushups yesterday.
Bluish Veins – Yes, I have a whole new network of veins to transport all this extra blood around.
Moodiness – Double Yes. I am extra moody almost every minute of the day. This is the one symptom I hate so far about being pregnant.
Headaches – Yes. This one I really struggle with while exercising. Before I knew I was pregnant I was suddenly hit with severe headaches during workouts. And still have problems during strenuous exercise. Maybe it’s my body’s way of saying SLOW DOWN.
Bloating and/or Waistline expansion – Yes. I can’t quite figure out why my stomach is so round on some days. It appears to be growing.
Constipation – Yes, some. But I love prunes and they help.
Cramps/Pains/Twinges – Yes, I have all of the above. But they are usually brief and not painful.
Now for my more uncommon symptoms:
Limp Hair – My hair is falling out still. I’m not real happy about this. It’s limp and comes out excessively if I run my hands through it. I think the hair on my legs may have slowed down in growth…I’m going to have to watch it more closely to see if this is indeed happening.
Arms falling asleep – My arms are constantly falling asleep when I’m asleep. It doesn’t matter what position, back or side. It happens about every other night at the moment and during naps. I mentioned it to the doctor and he said he’s heard that it happens to some people.
Morning Sickness – None to speak of. I am occasionally nauseas for 5-10 minutes ever so slightly and have some food aversions and cravings during that time, and then it goes away.
Fatigue – It was horrible weeks 4-6. Not so bad now. About every other day I want to nap, but can usually work through it. This is going away and according to the experts it should fade in month 3. I’d love a 2-3 hour nap right now. Which is saying something considering I went to bed at 9pm last night.
Frequent Urination – Yes, up until about week 8 I had to get up sometimes 3 times a night. This symptom usually fades away beginning in month 3 and mine started to dissipate about 2 weeks ago. Now I just get up usually once at night.
Breast Fullness/Tenderness – Some, but not much. Week 8 I had more breast heaviness than any other week. But generally I can’t really tell any difference now. It’s hard to tell too much because I did 210 pushups today and 100 pushups yesterday.
Bluish Veins – Yes, I have a whole new network of veins to transport all this extra blood around.
Moodiness – Double Yes. I am extra moody almost every minute of the day. This is the one symptom I hate so far about being pregnant.
Headaches – Yes. This one I really struggle with while exercising. Before I knew I was pregnant I was suddenly hit with severe headaches during workouts. And still have problems during strenuous exercise. Maybe it’s my body’s way of saying SLOW DOWN.
Bloating and/or Waistline expansion – Yes. I can’t quite figure out why my stomach is so round on some days. It appears to be growing.
Constipation – Yes, some. But I love prunes and they help.
Cramps/Pains/Twinges – Yes, I have all of the above. But they are usually brief and not painful.
Now for my more uncommon symptoms:
Limp Hair – My hair is falling out still. I’m not real happy about this. It’s limp and comes out excessively if I run my hands through it. I think the hair on my legs may have slowed down in growth…I’m going to have to watch it more closely to see if this is indeed happening.
Arms falling asleep – My arms are constantly falling asleep when I’m asleep. It doesn’t matter what position, back or side. It happens about every other night at the moment and during naps. I mentioned it to the doctor and he said he’s heard that it happens to some people.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Children Stories
I thought this seemed the appropriate time to post a few things about the children.
Petra is beyond silly these days. But she does strive hard to make us "proud." I started using this word with her and she loves it. She often tells me that she is proud of me...its a good reminder about how great it is to hear.
This week we have made a big step forward in potty training. She has been potty trained during awake hours since Sept. 2009. I decided at the end of June it was time to move foward. I didn't know how easy this would be for her because she woke up with a soaked diaper every morning. So, at the end of June I asked her to stop going #1 in her diaper at night and nap time. She said OK and stopped that night. I moved her out of diapers at night and nap time last week when we got back home from vacation. And she is doing fantastic. I would say she is 100% potty trained! I probably could have done this sooner but I kept waiting for her diaper to be dry in the morning. I guess I should have asked her sooner.
And she is learning to have a sense of humor. This week she told Thomas that she went to the museum and held a cheetah in her hand. And then she saw a bear hopping down a trail like a rabbit. Who knows where this came from, I guess her imagination is kicking in full gear.
Jasper is busy moving---
He is crawling out of his crib and we are making plans to move him out and into a bigger bed. Thankfully his crib is low to the ground and he can safely crawl out of it so it hasn't been a large rush. One morning last week I left for the gym at 6:45 am. I usually lock the door when I leave at 5:45 but since it was later, and I knew Thomas would be up any minute I didn't worry about it. I came home and asked Thomas how his morning went. He told me he woke up to Petra crawling in bed with him at 6:55 am to tell him that Jasper was outside playing. Sure enough, he was in the driveway on his tricycle. Scary; so now I lock the door all the time.
Play is his number one activity these days. And he is playing so well by himself...occupying himself with cars, trucks, tractors and building blocks. It has actually been very exciting to see the children become more independent.
And he decided last night at gymnastics that walking on the balance beam forward was not difficult enough for him. So he turned himself around and started walking backwards on the beam. We turned him back foward, and he turned himself back around backwards. So I guess this is his new personal goal.
Petra is beyond silly these days. But she does strive hard to make us "proud." I started using this word with her and she loves it. She often tells me that she is proud of me...its a good reminder about how great it is to hear.
This week we have made a big step forward in potty training. She has been potty trained during awake hours since Sept. 2009. I decided at the end of June it was time to move foward. I didn't know how easy this would be for her because she woke up with a soaked diaper every morning. So, at the end of June I asked her to stop going #1 in her diaper at night and nap time. She said OK and stopped that night. I moved her out of diapers at night and nap time last week when we got back home from vacation. And she is doing fantastic. I would say she is 100% potty trained! I probably could have done this sooner but I kept waiting for her diaper to be dry in the morning. I guess I should have asked her sooner.
And she is learning to have a sense of humor. This week she told Thomas that she went to the museum and held a cheetah in her hand. And then she saw a bear hopping down a trail like a rabbit. Who knows where this came from, I guess her imagination is kicking in full gear.
Jasper is busy moving---
He is crawling out of his crib and we are making plans to move him out and into a bigger bed. Thankfully his crib is low to the ground and he can safely crawl out of it so it hasn't been a large rush. One morning last week I left for the gym at 6:45 am. I usually lock the door when I leave at 5:45 but since it was later, and I knew Thomas would be up any minute I didn't worry about it. I came home and asked Thomas how his morning went. He told me he woke up to Petra crawling in bed with him at 6:55 am to tell him that Jasper was outside playing. Sure enough, he was in the driveway on his tricycle. Scary; so now I lock the door all the time.
Play is his number one activity these days. And he is playing so well by himself...occupying himself with cars, trucks, tractors and building blocks. It has actually been very exciting to see the children become more independent.
And he decided last night at gymnastics that walking on the balance beam forward was not difficult enough for him. So he turned himself around and started walking backwards on the beam. We turned him back foward, and he turned himself back around backwards. So I guess this is his new personal goal.
Monday, July 12, 2010
9 week update
I know there are many of you praying for us, and we really appreciate it. It is a wonderful thing to be able to pray for friend and I feel very loved.
I am 9 weeks pregnant today. On Saturday I didn't feel pregnant at all. On Sunday I felt nauseous most of the day. Today, I was nauseus again ... so I'm hoping its a great sign. Or it could just be the prenatal viatamin. But they haven't bothered me before. Or it could be all the junk I ate this weekend. Thomas and I splurged at Five Guys this weekend and then again at church on Sunday night.
I forgot to weigh myself this morning, last time I checked I was up 1.5 lbs. I'm sure after the hamburger and the pizza I had this weekend I'm up some more. And today my belly is full and round - probably again because of the food.
My mind this weekend was only on one thing - my pregnancy. I moped around the house quite a bit and Thomas kept asking if there was anything he could do. So, in effort to keep my mind off the pregnancy and to prevent myself from worrying I thought about not posting about the pregnancy for a while.
Then today I decided I'd rather just stay positive, and that means moving forward. Although I think I'll be limiting how much pregnancy reading I'll be doing.
I'm in constant prayer that all goes well and the baby is healthy and strong.
I am 9 weeks pregnant today. On Saturday I didn't feel pregnant at all. On Sunday I felt nauseous most of the day. Today, I was nauseus again ... so I'm hoping its a great sign. Or it could just be the prenatal viatamin. But they haven't bothered me before. Or it could be all the junk I ate this weekend. Thomas and I splurged at Five Guys this weekend and then again at church on Sunday night.
I forgot to weigh myself this morning, last time I checked I was up 1.5 lbs. I'm sure after the hamburger and the pizza I had this weekend I'm up some more. And today my belly is full and round - probably again because of the food.
My mind this weekend was only on one thing - my pregnancy. I moped around the house quite a bit and Thomas kept asking if there was anything he could do. So, in effort to keep my mind off the pregnancy and to prevent myself from worrying I thought about not posting about the pregnancy for a while.
Then today I decided I'd rather just stay positive, and that means moving forward. Although I think I'll be limiting how much pregnancy reading I'll be doing.
I'm in constant prayer that all goes well and the baby is healthy and strong.
Saturday, July 10, 2010
8 week numbers
I noticed several of you commented that I may want a different doctor. I am definitely considering it, but not really much at the moment because I don't want to visit another doctor in the next month. I called the doctor's office yesterday to get the measurement of the baby and yolk sac. This is what I learned.
Crown to Rump Length - 6w1d - they didn't have the actual measurement in my record, but I'm pretty sure I saw .52 on the screen when the tech did it. (this aggravates me of course, another reason I may want another doctor)
Yolk Sac - 7.3mm. Anything over 6.0 mm is considered a poor prognosis by doctors. I didn't understand why this was the case until just now. I finally read that abnormally large yolk sacs results from accumulation of nutrients not used by the embryo.
Heartbeat - 77 beats per minute ... which is below normal.
Crown to Rump Length - 6w1d - they didn't have the actual measurement in my record, but I'm pretty sure I saw .52 on the screen when the tech did it. (this aggravates me of course, another reason I may want another doctor)
Yolk Sac - 7.3mm. Anything over 6.0 mm is considered a poor prognosis by doctors. I didn't understand why this was the case until just now. I finally read that abnormally large yolk sacs results from accumulation of nutrients not used by the embryo.
Heartbeat - 77 beats per minute ... which is below normal.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
8 week update
Let me start by saying a BIG thank you to the ladies that commented regarding our first ultrasound. You both made me smile and really uplifted me this last week. Your comments were very reassuring.
I went to the doctor's office today with full confidence that everything was fine. Everything has been fine for the last week. I still have pregnancy symptoms - and this week I added a few more. A couple days ago my chest started getting heavy so I think it has decided to start growing. And the other hormonal symptom was that I had a ton of hair fall out - which isn't necessarily a good thing. I talked to the doctor about it today and he thought it was probably due to the stress of finding out I was pregnant. I wouldn't say it was very stressful, but it was a shock.
So everything was going fine. Traffic was normal. I actually got the very first parking space which NEVER happens; so I was in high spirits.
I was called back for the ultrasound. First I was a little aggravated because the doctor didn't do the ultrasound. My understanding was the doctor did it at the office I'm going to. He did the last one, and I fully expected him to do it again. Instead, I got a tech on a much larger ultrasound machine.
The tech really disappointed me. I didn't think she did a very good job getting a measurement or checking the baby. She didn't really try very hard to get the best angel. And after reading many, many stories online I have learned that women with a retroverted uterus (which is tilted back and is exactly what I have) have a hard time getting reliable measurements early in pregnancy. After the ultrasound I could sense the tech's apprehension about the future of the pregnancy. I could tell she was worried about me.
The results from today's visit are pretty dismal. The baby measured at 6weeks and 1 day again - I knew this because I saw it on the screen. So no growth according to the ultrasound. After this disappointing ultrasound I had to sit around for the doc, and sit, and sit.
My conversation with the doctor was confusing and not at all helpful. He specifically had me come in today to see if the baby was growing properly. But once he read the results, he only said that it was really too early to tell anything and ultrasounds aren't always reliable this early on, blah blah blah. I was frustrated. I knew very well the baby didn't show growth and that is not what he was telling me. And if the ultrasounds aren't reliable, then I didn't understand why he bothered scheduling me for another one so soon. He also said he was "encouraged" because the baby was still there and there was still a heartbeat. And then he quickly added that if I started to have any signs of a miscarriage then to call him. In between all this he added that the yolk sac was measuring slightly big which isn't a good sign. But he didn't give me any indication of what it meant, and honestly I didn't bother to ask.
Since I was frustrated, and the appointments only seemed to be causing more stress than I needed, I asked to wait another 4 weeks before my next appointment. And he thought 2-3 weeks would be better. So, I have another appt in 3 weeks on July 28th. And until then I get to wait and pray that everything will go fine.
When I came home and looked up what it means when you have a large yolk sac, I learned it usually means the baby is chromosomally abnormal and the pregnancy will end in miscarriage. But it is not always the case - some women do go on to have normal pregnancies with healthy babies.
The good news is that I'm not very upset...but would like a large stack of pancakes, some chocolate ice cream, and a slice of lasagna. I do wish I hadn't gone in today at all; it was a very discouraging visit and I was doing quite well before it. But, all in all I know this is in God's hands and I have no control over whether this baby grows. My pregnancy is a miracle in itself and I'm very thankful for the life inside me.
** UPDATE - The more I think about it, the more I am thinking there was some growth. I need to call the doctor and check on the crown to rump length. Last week it measured .28 to .42 CM, today I think it was at .52 CM. No one told me for certain, but this is what I think I saw on the screen.
I went to the doctor's office today with full confidence that everything was fine. Everything has been fine for the last week. I still have pregnancy symptoms - and this week I added a few more. A couple days ago my chest started getting heavy so I think it has decided to start growing. And the other hormonal symptom was that I had a ton of hair fall out - which isn't necessarily a good thing. I talked to the doctor about it today and he thought it was probably due to the stress of finding out I was pregnant. I wouldn't say it was very stressful, but it was a shock.
So everything was going fine. Traffic was normal. I actually got the very first parking space which NEVER happens; so I was in high spirits.
I was called back for the ultrasound. First I was a little aggravated because the doctor didn't do the ultrasound. My understanding was the doctor did it at the office I'm going to. He did the last one, and I fully expected him to do it again. Instead, I got a tech on a much larger ultrasound machine.
The tech really disappointed me. I didn't think she did a very good job getting a measurement or checking the baby. She didn't really try very hard to get the best angel. And after reading many, many stories online I have learned that women with a retroverted uterus (which is tilted back and is exactly what I have) have a hard time getting reliable measurements early in pregnancy. After the ultrasound I could sense the tech's apprehension about the future of the pregnancy. I could tell she was worried about me.
The results from today's visit are pretty dismal. The baby measured at 6weeks and 1 day again - I knew this because I saw it on the screen. So no growth according to the ultrasound. After this disappointing ultrasound I had to sit around for the doc, and sit, and sit.
My conversation with the doctor was confusing and not at all helpful. He specifically had me come in today to see if the baby was growing properly. But once he read the results, he only said that it was really too early to tell anything and ultrasounds aren't always reliable this early on, blah blah blah. I was frustrated. I knew very well the baby didn't show growth and that is not what he was telling me. And if the ultrasounds aren't reliable, then I didn't understand why he bothered scheduling me for another one so soon. He also said he was "encouraged" because the baby was still there and there was still a heartbeat. And then he quickly added that if I started to have any signs of a miscarriage then to call him. In between all this he added that the yolk sac was measuring slightly big which isn't a good sign. But he didn't give me any indication of what it meant, and honestly I didn't bother to ask.
Since I was frustrated, and the appointments only seemed to be causing more stress than I needed, I asked to wait another 4 weeks before my next appointment. And he thought 2-3 weeks would be better. So, I have another appt in 3 weeks on July 28th. And until then I get to wait and pray that everything will go fine.
When I came home and looked up what it means when you have a large yolk sac, I learned it usually means the baby is chromosomally abnormal and the pregnancy will end in miscarriage. But it is not always the case - some women do go on to have normal pregnancies with healthy babies.
The good news is that I'm not very upset...but would like a large stack of pancakes, some chocolate ice cream, and a slice of lasagna. I do wish I hadn't gone in today at all; it was a very discouraging visit and I was doing quite well before it. But, all in all I know this is in God's hands and I have no control over whether this baby grows. My pregnancy is a miracle in itself and I'm very thankful for the life inside me.
** UPDATE - The more I think about it, the more I am thinking there was some growth. I need to call the doctor and check on the crown to rump length. Last week it measured .28 to .42 CM, today I think it was at .52 CM. No one told me for certain, but this is what I think I saw on the screen.
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