I'm fine

I've been getting numerous phone calls and emails asking how I am doing. So this post is to let you all know that...I am fine and you can stop worrying. I am perfectly at peace with everything that is happening and I have absolutely no doubt that God knows best. The past 5.5 years of infertility have certainly taught me that I do not have control over life.

I did have a miscarriage. And the details are below. If you don't want the details, please stop reading. They are gross.

The miscarriage started on Thursday night and lasted until Friday morning. The doctor had warned me to expect a period twice as bad as normal. It was no such thing. It was more closely related to labor and delivery. I had contractions starting Thursday night while I was cleaning the house. We had company arriving around midnight, so I kept cleaning and just ignored it. The contractions were very strong and actually were around 1-2 minutes apart and lasted for about 30 seconds or more. I didn't time any of this so I am guesstimating. But I passed several very large clumps of blood and other things. I was bleeding a lot. I tried sitting on the toilet but it was just too uncomfortable so I kept cleaning. I'm pretty sure I passed the gestational sac around midnight.

After our company arrived and I went to bed is when the real pain set in. I think it may have been because I was laying down and not doing anything else, except trying to sleep. Which was impossible because the contractions were unbearable. I got up and went to the bathroom and writhed around in there for awhile. Determined I needed some stronger medication. I just wanted to sleep. But my body wasn't finished.

At around 4am I think I passed the placenta. It was much larger than I expected considering how early the pregnancy was. As soon as this was over I felt instant relief. And I don't know how long it would have lasted, but I decided it was enough. I took a muscle relaxer and headed to bed.

And that was my miscarriage in a nutshell. I did learn a few things from this. Mainly I learned that whenever I do go into labor, I need a lot of work to do to keep me busy. I think cleaning was just what I needed to keep my mind off of it.