Friday, September 21, 2007

The waiting continues

I know some of you are wondering what is happening at the Croom household this week. Well, there were a few rough patches for me this week. I had a meltdown on Wednesday ... and a smaller one on Thursday. Today, I'm doing better.
The bottom line is that the waiting period has got to be the hardest part of infertility treatment ... well, it might run a close second to the cost. It probably wouldn't be nearly as hard if it wasn't so pricey. But the bottom line is that if it doesn't work, we can't keep going back to try again. We have one more FET after this, and that will be it for a long while. And we will only be getting older.

And I know many of you are wondering, just like us, did it work. If it was based on how many prayers there has been for the birth of these children, we would definitely be having twins next year. We probably have 50-100 people praying for us. But more than that matters, I've already learned that the path I want to take is not always the one God has planned for me.

Of if you want to go on my dreams for the week, then I'm probably pregnant. Every night this week, I dreamed I either had a child, or was pregnant. It switched back and forth each night between girl and boy. One night, I dreamed we had fair skinned, red haired, blue-eyed daughter.

But so far, I don't feel pregnant at all. I've heard you aren't really suppose to feel anything this early, so I'm trying not to let it bother me. I was hoping I would have some type of intuition about this - I don't. I have nothing. I have no idea. NOTHING. And I am scared to death to find out. Wednesday I had a breakdown, not because I thought I wasn't pregnant, but the idea of getting a negative this time was just more than I could handle. I needed to know that if it didn't work, we had a plan.

So we came up with a plan. We talked about all sorts of options .... and we have more praying and thinking to do about this plan B. But it probably involves adoption; which really shouldn't be a shock to anyone. We have already decided we want to adopt regardless of having a biological child. We believe it is part of the life God has planned for us. And I'm starting to think, he doesn't want us distracted from that plan.

Does anyone have any good vibes that this worked for us?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

No vibes one way or the other, but certainly best wishes! MOM