Day 23 - Blue Monday

Did you read that today is the saddest day of the year? No kidding. No wonder I woke up in a foul mood. A British university psychologist, Cliff Arnall, devised a formula that took into account six factors: weather, debt, time since Christmas, time since failing our New Year's resolutions, low motivational levels, and feeling a need to take action.

Well, I personally can't decide which one factor I am more upset about. Let's first start with the feeling a need to take action. Yep. Did that. Hubby and I have done all we can do to get pregnant. And guess what there is nothing else to do ... but pray and wait. And realize that you really don't have control over anything.

Next, let's move on to New Year's resolutions. I don't remember making any. My new year plan was to start IVF, get pregnant, and have a baby. What was I thinking??!? I should have learned my lesson years ago on this one. Well we started the IVF - actually December 31st. But the rest of it, is just plain stupid. You can't make resolutions for things you have no control over.

If I was going to make a resolution, it would have been to lose this nagging 10 pounds thats been sitting around my waist and hips. But can you say "progesterone" - the stuff has me eating all day. It's a steroid and after doing a little research I've learned it is sometimes prescribed as a way to increase cancer patient's appetites. The crazy stuff actually effects your metabolism and causes you to store fat deposits. Great. Maybe that's why I'm waking up at 4am - I'm starving. In fact, yesterday after an hour of trying to go back to sleep I finally gave in, crawled tiredly out of bed, and made my way to the computer. I only decided it would be good to go back to bed after I gave in to a bowl of cereal that had been screaming my name hours earlier.

Or maybe I'm waking up because progesterone causes insomnia. But get this, not only does it cause insomnia, it also causes fatigue. Wonderful. So all day I wander around bleary eyed, I'm zapped of all energy in the evening and can't muster enough to do anything more than lounge and complain, and then when I finally drift off to sleep - its only to find myself laying awake in bed a few measly hours later.

Here are some of the other wonderful side effects of progesterone: feeling of bloating, full breasts, mood swings, and depression.

Full breasts - check, got that one too.
Mood swings - I would say that's pretty obvious.
Depression - yep, think I'm there.
And did I mention the sore hynie.

I can honestly say that so far I guess I should feel lucky that I am no longer bloated. That's the one symptom I don't have.

All in all, I think I would be rather ecstatic if I knew I had these side effects because I was pregnant. But the truth of the matter is that I just don't know and there's no action plan I can take to ensure my success.